addictions...part 2

(read: addicitons...part 1)

Sexual addiction is serious, and being caught in the web of pornography is soul deadening, but as we enter into talking about these issues, it is imperative that we all look in the mirror and see that we are addicted.  We all seek to relieve pain, to escape the painful present in a variety of ways… and we all suffer from the damage to the soul that accompanies being addicted to relief as well as the additional external consequences that vary by addiction.

I am not downplaying the destructive nature of sexual struggles, issues…addictions.  I am simply stating that we have relegated some addictions to acceptable category and others to the

unacceptable category, often based on the external fallout associated with them.  And in doing so, we have dismissed and negated the core issue of all addictions… an idolatrous heart that refuses to live in the Story of G-d as it unfolds…we don’t know what G-d allows, ordains, orchestrates or prevents… we only know the agony of our internal bleeding when we face the truth of our story in its fullness of both glory and pain…

And our hearts refuse to bleed in the hands of a mysterious and unpredictable G-d, who promises faithfulness, goodness and help in time of need, but did not bring these things to bear in our timing or in our way…Why would we trust this G-d, we cannot control or predict how life will unfold if we do let go and trust.  We look back and decide that G-d’s track record of pain relief, of protection from harm, of intervening for the innocent, of acting on behalf of the righteous is not all that great…so we conclude that we must protect ourselves.  And we find socially acceptable ways to do so…

It is far more acceptable to be an over-worked, over-extended, overweight, eating disordered, exercise addicted, control freak Christian than one who struggles with smoking, alcohol, sexual deviance, pornography and/or chronic masturbation…

but make no mistake, the origin of all thse behaviors is the same...

a frantic demand to escape the realities of living in a broken world

a raised fist, shaken at G-d in rebellion and fury at the unfolding of our life stories...

all of our carefully constructed, seemingly justifiable behaviors and mindsets are the marks of idolatry...

Idolatry = I worship my way, my understanding, my constructed life…

I chose to be self sufficient…rather than be at the mercy of G-d

Jesus taught about the publican and the Pharisee, one knew his brokenness and one who haughtily hid behind acceptable ‘behaviors’ and a hardened judgmental heart, fully confident in his own abilities, understanding and control.

A self-sufficient posture appeeals to the human mind, except the mirage of control eventually fades, revealing a posture that leads to bondage, to self-righteousness and ultimately to bondage.  In our prison of pretense, we lose sigght of th truth that there is not sin, there is not struggle, there is no addiction that cannot be addressed in the healing grace of G-d.

The violence of addictions against one’s own soul as wwell as the soul of the others who are the victims of our addictions do not need to continue in the vicious cycle of lies and hiding.  Truth, any and all truth, can be brought into the light in the presence of Christ.

if we really believed what we claim to believe

if we really thought that all things are possible with G-d

if we had the courage to live out the things that we teach and say and write

if we glimpsed, even for a momoment, the profound and full humanity of Jesus

if we leaned into the unconditional love of G-d, against all our contradictory data

if we had faith, the size of a mustard seed…

then we might crack open the door of our vaulted heart and allow a glimmer of Light to piercce the darkness of our shrouded and fear-filled souls…

(part 3 coming next week)

Comments

[Sue]

Thank you Susie. This is such an honest, authentic look at addiction. Your approach takes away the shame and stigma and reveals the deeper issues surrounding addictions -- an important step to healing.

I look forward to the next part!

[Songbird]

Thanks for this, Susie. I'm going to link to this entry on the RevGalBlogPals page (http://revgalblogpals.blogspot.com).

[Lorna]

This was a brutally honest entry and I benefited from reading it a lot. But am I right in thinking you are saying that all addictions are addictions, and none worse than the other?

All of them are escapism. All of them lead to self sufficiency and lack of reliance on God. But some addictions do harm those we love or who love us more than others don't they?

maybe you'll address this in part 3. Looking forward to it -food for thought for me :)

[Mike Morrell]

Wow, thanks for this, sister. I am going to continue reading with interest.

[anj]

Susie - I have printed these off, something the green part of me rarely does! My oldest son and I were talking the other day about his deceased dads addictions. It was hard for me to acknowlege that although his dad's drug dependancy was so much more destructive, my own soul numbing ways also created pain in my son's lifes. And challenged him to think of how we 'tries to get life to work' and how that harms himself and others. I think I will have him read these words, and see where that leads this conversation. Thank you for writing this.

[anj]

Clarification: His dad's addictions appeared to be so much more destructive, but who can measure the damage done to a soul?

[bobbie]

amazing work susie, can't wait to read it with a binding in my hand! :)

[bob c]

blessing on you for such a wonderful, brave post

[susie albert miller]

thanks for these comments...they encourage me to continue down this path of unfolding my thoughts and struggles... my server has been down and is just back up today, so i am hoping to get another post up today or tomorrow...talk about addictions...three days without wifi;)

[stephanie]

Susie, the tears are falling.
I will print this to read it again and ponder the truths in it.
I am heading to MHGS for a course this weekend on story. But what really hits me is the referance to the internal bleeding. In some ways my soul is hemoraging these days - again. Thank you for this insight.

[ben]

What strikes me is how understanding addictions in this way is an equalizer for us all. I might not struggle with cocaine addiction, but my addiction to self-absorbtion and selfishness with my time is just as destructive and against God's will.
Good stuff...thanks.

[susie albert miller]

lorna,
thanks for the questions... i am not saying that all addicitons have the same impact on the world around us, or on those who are harmed by the fallout of another's addicitons. there are some actions and behaviors that are far more damaging than others... what i am saying is that there is a common root to addicitve behavior, and that is the refusal to live in the pain of this fallen world and the demand for relief...by a variety of means.
this is the starting point, a point from which we cannot judge others, but instead enter into discussion with an honesty about our own hearts.

thanks to all of you who have commented here or emailed me... these posts have grown from the humble privilege to walk with others through the hell of addictions, as well as coming face to face with my own personal choices of escape and relief...living in the midst of sorrow and pain, in struggle and tension, in the silence of God is difficult. I have come to understand a bit better why Jesus was called a man of sorrows....

[Lorna]

I only just noticed the term bleeding soul. It's very apt.

thank you again for this writing. It's helpful, realistic and also encouraging.

We all struggle with a lot - whether our own addictions or those of a loved one. Facing them in one of the hardest things I know. Dealing with them isn't easy.

the love and support network is vital.