Yesterday, Lisa wrote a great post and sent me to this post by Andrea, about naming what is good and the reality of understanding the power of words.
As a therapist, I work with soul scars caused by ugly shameful words that wound and sear and leave scars long after bruises heal and life tumbles forward.
With the link, she challenged a group of us to do this to a part of our bodies that we have spoken ugly words about and to rename that part with a healing word. Both posts and her challenge have provoked much thought for me. I have spent years thinking about the body, my body, the feminine body, how it has been shamed, exploited and even celebrated and enjoyed. Part of my own story is being told that I was fat, as a teenager when I was not (though I believed the words) and that set off years of body image issues and the roller coaster of attempts at perfection. Sadly, the illusion of perfection is bought and sold, and altering body parts is an increasingly popular option for women, both young and old today. At a recent seminar on eating disorders, I learned about a suburban high school where the second most popular gift for high school graduation were breast implants… second only to a car. A ‘boob job’ for teenagers! What have we become in this quest for the elusive, indefinable, and ever changing image of a perfect body??
While that issue is a whole other post, it serves to highlight the hatred that is so common in women; hatred for their bodies and the extent we will go to change them and/or hide them and thus deny a part of ourselves. What does it look like to honor and embrace our bodies? What would it require to stop the critique and begin to enjoy the way we were made? I have read that only 5% of the world’s population has the DNA to look like today’s models, and that almost everything we see in the media is in reality not real, but altered and airbrushed in this digital world, becoming all the more unattainable. But now we can surgically alter that or become obsessed with trying to achieve the unattainable, which in reality is not even real!
I have two teenage daughters and I want them to love their bodies; to enjoy their shape and unique form…curves or lack thereof and the sensual pleasures of being an embodied creation. Because of my own history of body image issues, and my struggling through years of lies that beauty was particularly defined, I have worked hard to help them see themselves through a different mirror than the one of this culture. I have kept much of my struggle to myself so that they were not polluted with lies that plagued me. We have focused on being healthy and active and enjoying their beauty (while learning to be comfortable with mine). I struggle and am saddened when I have heard them criticize aloud the parts of their bodies that they deem unlovely. In my work and ministry, I mourn as I listen to clients name parts of their body as undesirable and I grieve at the ways we all hide in our shame.
The body, my body, is created by G-d and the Wise Delighting One says “it is good.” What keeps us from believing this? I know that a great part of that is the greek influences on the NT view of ‘the flesh’ (due to the division of body and spirit combined with their contempt for the earthy and body in its inhibiting the soaring of the spirit), I still struggle with lies. I know and love the beauty of the Hebrew text that embraces the body… words that speaks of ‘groaning in ones bowels,’ as a way to describe the soul, and their integration of body and spirit as one…and yet knowing and being able to exegete and articulate these truths does not stop me from believing the lies... from saying the ugly words to parts of me that are fearfully and wonderfully made.
As I showered this morning, I thought of Susan’s challenge, (no hiding the body in the shower;) …thinking “what body part do I want to rename and call good and embrace?” I was reminded of my post last night, on the breaking of jesus body, and the value we place on his offering it up for us, and my mind traveled back to the days of my pregnancies… for my ‘ugly’ parts are the stretch marks and extra skin that came with each growing child within. And I was halted… silenced as I realized that these are the scars of my life-giving work.
I was 22 years old, thin, healthy and in shape-- and I actually liked how I looked, when I became pregnant with my first daughter 20 years ago…(my pregnancy was a surprise!!!) It was wonderful and awful at the same time. I always wanted to be a mom, just not so young, and as I watched my body balloon, I hated the outer me, while loving the life deep within and my ability to nourish and sustain and provide for this coming one. Each pregnancy only added to the map of silvery trails that traverse my midsection, and stream down onto my thighs. I have often lamented that I was too young to miss out on the skimpy, fun and stylish clothes that my peers wore while I hid my stretch marks…my ugliness. And yet each child I carried and nurtured within my womb was a miracle of beauty, of possibility and part of me…such ambivalence kept me hiding my body while I was pregnant as well.
Today on this Maundy Thursday, and as I contemplate Good Friday, I think about Christ’s body, broken and scarred to give me life, I muse at the parallel of scars that come in giving new life. Not just body scars, but the heart scars of being a mom, of loving my children so fiercely and wanting to give of myself for them. I think of the honor and reverence that we give to the sacrifice of Christ’s body and the juxtaposition of how we loathe our own bodies. I wonder how much of embracing or rejecting our bodies is linked to our ability to embrace or reject desire. (but that too is another post;)
As I slathered lotion on my body after my shower, I paused and named the marks of my life giving as beautiful…I named them as signs and markers of the miracles that grew within me, that now grow beside me and beyond me. I purposed to no longer speak shaming or condemning words to these marks, where my body stretched and tore to hold new life, but instead, to move towards embracing and enjoying this unfolding body that is mine…for all its scars, weaknesses, strengths, illnesses, health, and more importantly the longings, desires and pleasures it brings, as an act of repentance and obedience to the holy sacrifice of Jesus. Embracing my body is an essential part of healing the soul and freeing both to be offered up in service of the Lord.
This painting,by marcel duchamp, is entitled, "nude descending the staircase." What a juxtaposition to the nude by picasso! i long to walk with this grace, freedom and confidence when i am nude, literally and metahorically, exposed in body and soul, with no shame or hiding, because i am a woman who bears the image of the Incomprehensible Eternal One, who says 'i am good."
below are some other images that speak to me and expand the meaning of my written words...
mother and child, by gustav klimt
breakfast in bed, by mary cassatt
(check back later for the link to this photo)
susie...you are so wonderfully COOL
what a gift.
glad i found you.
Posted by: maryann | March 25, 2005 at 12:12 AM
what a wonderful post, thank you. These marks from bringing life into the world, are the most beautiful my wife has...
Posted by: Jason Clark | March 26, 2005 at 02:53 AM
What a beautiful way to look at the physical memories of the most amazing privilege
G-d has blessed me with. I wouldn't trade one mark on my body that appeared during this time. Thanks for helping me remember to live above.
Posted by: Karyn | March 29, 2005 at 11:21 PM
What a beautiful way to look at the physical memories of the most amazing privilege
G-d has blessed me with. I wouldn't trade one mark on my body that appeared during this time. Thanks for helping me remember to live above.
Posted by: Karyn | March 29, 2005 at 11:21 PM