bridesmaids, midwives, mothers

i found the most beautiful blog today and for a moment i was jealous...this ugly part of me that read another's words and wished that i had written them...nuances and artistry with words that i can only stab at...i was so conflicted in this moment of utter delight and awe at another's gift, and my own ugly jealousy...it caused me to pause...to reflect for a bit on how hard it is to really champion another if i am insecure in who i am and what i have to offer.

but good Christian women do not get jealous.... no, we hide our true feelings and congratulate others through gritted teethy smiles, with an edge of dismissal so that we don't feel the lack in our own lives or expose the fear that we don't measure up...or admit this horrible sinking feeling of jealousy, or scramble to compete or prove ourselves...

growing up with 3 sisters, there was always competition, and i wonder how much of my makeup is defined in reference to another, how i measure up rather than "who i be"  just the essence that is me, in all my createdness as gods princess... is that enough to be valued, enjoyed chosen, wanted?

we as women have such an opportunity to give life, or to deny it in the way we handle our jealousy.  Now, I am less afraid to admit my jealousy, though it took many years of denial to get here... As i name the feeling that wells up inside me, i can stop scrambling to measure up and i can simply enjoy another's gifts or beauty that blesses and graces the world,  in its utter essence and offering rahter than run to comparison. when i am willing to name the jealousy of another woman's gift, i feel far more free to enjoy it, embrace it and celebrate it.  I am not lost in a battle or competiton, rather i am free to live in the midst of the enjoyment and the want for more. 

i have come to believe that we as women have to power to uphold or tear down, with a simple glance of the eyes, a word well spoken, a hand offered in gracious and sincere support.  we have been so conditioned to compete and compare, rather than compliment and share. but i believe that we can change the face of feminine interactions and offer what comes from the depths of our being, a life giving offering, if we take on the roles of bridesmaid, midwife and mother.

we all want to be a bride, but on the day of our friends wedding, we delight in being a bridesmaid...we are there to usher in the main attraction, to set her off to be noticed in all her beauty...it is all about the bride, and we delight in this role.. what if we were bridesmaids to each other on non-wedding days.  if we really believed that there is plenty of love, attention, accolades to go around and that the Bridegroom delights in each of us...

i wanted to be a bridesmaid to the woman whose blog soared above mine, to the woman who just wrote the book i have been wanting to write, to the beautiful woman who lives next door, to the mother in my playgroup who is an example to me, to the teacher, speaker counselor who is more gifted than i am...can i sing the praises of another... will i be a bridesmaid?

Or as a midwife, i can help to usher in new life...help another give birth to what they have created, i can be part of the process without any glory... is that not the beauty of midwifery...being part of and assisting in, being a support, a cheerleader that allows another's creation to be the main event.  will i be a midwife, when i feel barren, when my creativity fails me or is not fertilized with life and acceptance? can i help give birth to another's dream, vision, offerings, or do i shy away, because i am afraid or jealous like peninah of the love and accolades another woman receives?

as i read the work of other women and see their handprints on the kingdom, i want to be a midwife...a woman who comes alongside another woman and helps, supports and upholds the her creation, celebrates her gift of life givng artistry.

and i think this category would not be complete without the role of being a mother...it is in that role that we as women are life giving, nurturing and sustaining one who is totally other...one that will grow beyond us, another being whose very essence causes us to pause and glorify god in his miracles... will i be this nurturing presence to those who come after me, who will surely outshine me and offer life generatively...not denying my role, or part, or offering, but acknowledging another who walks alongside? will i make room for another, and give them space and nurturing to grow in a self sacrificing way?  will i see the beauty and giftedness around me and celebrate it, engage with it and champion the one who brings it to life?

these are the thoughts that went though my mind as i found this blog today...would i hide my jealousy and pretend i didn't feel it, or would i name it and offer it to God as my own fear of being less?  would i be willing to champion another and point those who read my words to another's words that may bless them more deeply... will i believe that there is enough love and enjoyment to go around, rather than live with a scarcity mentality?

often when i am trying to find a way to image the possibilities in women frienships, i picture a field of wild flowers and the beauty that comes in the diversity of texture, color and size.  i would much prefer a wild flower bouquet over a dozen roses...all the same.  Can we as women can view each other in this way...as a field of wildflowers with so much to offer in so many different ways, made all the more beautiful in our diverse gifts and offerings...all shining in the uniqueness that is ours?  what would women relationships look like and how they would change the world in the giving and receiving of blessing to each other?   

How freeing it is to say to you, dear reader, "i found this wonderful expression of art, that i must share," and when this is said, there is truly a rejoicing in the richness that comes from of all of us together, and each of us as unique bearers of the image of G-d.  It enlivens my soul to have another woman friend say these words about me, to come along side me as a bridesmaid, a midwife or a mother.  In these moments there is an opening, a creating of space for the myriad of life giving expressions created by and from the individualty of each woman, and an opportunity revel in the artistry of us all.

here is the blog that moved me so deeply today: visit it and feast;)

http://unveilings.typepad.com/unveilings/

Comments

[maryann]

susie, susie, susie....
you have NO need to feel any jealousy at all.
I have seen your writings and quick notes to me.
You are beautiful beyond description.
Your beauty seeps thru each note you write and you have a way of extending that personal hug thru your words.

Don't shrink back, dont be jealous. Embrace the gifts of others and know that you shine like a diamond in the midst of all the other jewels the Father has given the world. Does the Sapphire feel jealous of the Emerald? Does a pearl envy a ruby?
Nah...

now i will go off to witness the magnificent gift of my sister in her beautiful blog...
Shalom

[Laura Maffe]

Susie,

You nut, When I was reading your words on your blog today, I have to admit I have often been jealous of you and what a beautiful you are and all the gifts you have. You know how I struggle with comparison, but I know that if I had not meant you and the gifts you bring my life would be very different and I would be very sad. I love Ya Laura

[susie]

i am touched by both of your comments, thank you for your encouraging words. i am able to be this honest about the dark side of me, because after years of searching, hiding, struggling to just be me, i am growing in my sense of self and all that i have to offer. i can reveal both my strengths and my weakness, my victories and defeats in the process of becoming, rather than living in the "myth of arriving."

i am at my best when i live from this place of rest in who G-d made me to be as a unique vessel, a pot of clay-"me-shaped" to reveal a facet of the mystery of the Incomprehensible G-d. at 42 years old this is an increasingly familiar and comfortable place and it is awesome.

i don't think we need to be afraid of feeling jealous- i think it is what we do with the feeling that is the issue. so often we pretend that we don't have 'unacceptable' feelings and they just lie in the dark and fester. God can handle any and all of our feelings regardless of what they are, as evidenced in the psalms. i think that naming a feeling is important, then it loses it power and hold and is brought to light...we can be free to deal with it.

i can truly stop comparing and start enjoying if i don't pretend that i am never jealous. once i name the feeling and bring it to the Light, then i can be responsive rather than reactive and i can live as a bridesmaid, midwife and mother to the giftedness and beauty of others.

this is the intent of my post...to name a reality that scares and ensnares us as women and hopefully to offer a different lens to use on the journey toward truth.
shalom, susie

[Rachel]

Just wanted to say how much this post meant to me. I stumbled onto your blog and I read it at a time in my life when I struggle with my feelings of envy against other women. Women who are talented, women who I'm proud to call my friends. And my thoughts have shamed me, but they also make me human. Thank you for your powerful words and the impact they made on me.

[bobbie]

susie,

my comment got so long i made it a seperate blog post. i don't know that i'll get it done before i head back to bed, but it'll make it's appearance before the weekend is over!

amazing thoughts!