surrender
I remember going to visit "Mum" she was my surrogate grandma, when i was growing up. She lived in a cabin in the woods in PA, cooked amazing Pot pie, played a mean hand of Canasta and she loved Jesus with all her heart. She had a simple and deep, abiding faith, and i loved to go to her home and rest. Even as a teen, I was aware of the heaviness of life at times, and i always found it restful, simple at Mum's and that somehow life made sense.
She was always humming or singing old hymns and one of her favorite's was "I Surrender All." I think that I learned alot of theology, just hanging out with her, and this hymn way sacred to her, along with Everlasting Arms. As i grew and learned more of her life story, i understood why. The very fact that she could live surrendered to God, trusting and believing, not blindly, but Faith-filled and at rest, i admired and simutaneously could not grasp.
This past year has been one of ambivalence... of push-pull with a call to surrender and trust that has been like nails on a chalkboard to my "type A" personality. I modified Mum's song to "I Surrender Some" and was doing fine!, thank you very much...
Remember the cliche about "FINE" (feeling insecure, neurotic, & emotional) well, while i wasn't necessarily "fine" I was feeling Sick, tired and sick of being sick and tired... so obviously surrendering some, wasn't really working! lol
So, after a lengthy battle, i decided that G-d wins and i would reassess. Which translates to Rest--lots of rest and doctor visits, listening and yep, you guessed it... SURRENDER!
This meant saying "no, but thanks for asking, maybe at another time..." Alot...
Alot more than i did in the past, Alot more than i like to... and trusting that G-d would bring opporutnites back around another day, month... year...
It was during this season of Surrender that a dear friend said these words to me regarding faith: "Faith is not Believing that God Can, it is Knowing He Will."
These simple words rocked my world, as i thought about how much I Believe... and yet don't surrender and trust... because when it comes right down to it... i don't think i KNOW.
As i studied Scripture, i found many examples of Faith filled folks who Knew G-d Would...
and so i am camped there... learning to surrender....
"because when it comes right down to it... i don't think i KNOW"
I know that feeling too well
Posted by: Will | February 04, 2007 at 09:08 PM
So good to hear(read) your words again.
Posted by: anj | February 05, 2007 at 01:36 PM
just wanted to say i love you.. i'm so glad to see your words once again...
Posted by: natala | February 11, 2007 at 11:14 PM
Surrender is a difficult word, isn't it. Somehow it has got contaminated.In the world it suggests loss of the victory, defeat,failure. Personally, I like the word abandonment...in the sense of 'letting go and letting God.' But my word doesn't go with the old tune. So sing on...and give it a sort of slow rock feel..."Aaall to Jeeesus, Aahee surrender, Aaall to Him, Aahee freeeleee give." Daaa, da Daaa da, Daaa, da Daaa da.
"Oh the joy of full salvation, glory, glory to His name."
Posted by: Connie Knighton | February 12, 2007 at 10:56 PM
May God continue to bless you as you continue to provide quality and informative substance to your posts. God Bless - Rev. Jim Wilson
Posted by: Jim Wilson | April 24, 2008 at 07:48 AM
May God continue to bless you as you continue to provide quality and informative substance to your posts. God Bless - Rev. Jim Wilson
Posted by: Jim Wilson | April 24, 2008 at 07:49 AM